The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
