hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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