That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
