My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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