I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
