Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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