Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
