You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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