Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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