The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
