I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
