Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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