put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize