In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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