By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
