I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you have to choose: penises or morals?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
