My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
