im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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