kristin has been a bad kristin
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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