i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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