wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Too much gin, very little bucket
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Damn victory sex feels great
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
