and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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