I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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