Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
