my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
