he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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