I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
