Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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