I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
