My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
