Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize