I CAN MOONWALK!
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
how does that bad decision feel?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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