i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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