so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
