shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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