at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Randomize
