yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
