I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
