Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
