already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
