we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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