He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
