based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
