Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
