So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
