she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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