now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
