i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
