She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
