Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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