fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
