I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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