don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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