Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
YAS. BRING CRAB.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
