Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
