Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
