Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You were trust falling into bushes
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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