Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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