Define "chronic" masturbator.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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