I think my vagina is haunted
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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