i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I am in a vortex of obligation.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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