so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
