When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
