His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
