Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
