ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize