if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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