I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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