What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
